I'm in the middle of working hard on my FIRST FREELANCE ARTICLE EVER. There is some pressure associated with this, as I've never written for this paper before and it could (cross my fingers hope to die stick a needle in my eye) potentially lead to more stories. So of course I'm wasting way too much time. I happened to come across this video, and it made my night.
 
 
9. " What's in a name? That which we call a rose. By any other name would smell as sweet."
            - Shakespeare
To keep track of the multitudes of Speechians, hosting high schools will assign each student a code. These numbers are carefully arranged in rows on pieces of paper underneath other numbers that correspond to the room of competition. At the start of the meet, students are assigned a number (usually by a beleaguered coach who got up waaaaay too early for this) and pick up their corresponding form, then go about their day.

After three rounds of knuckle-biting competition,final rounds were the shiznit, especially at the big meets. It was amazing to see your name up on the board — that was the only time they ever really gave you a name in speech. A member of the Hibbing team became enthralled when he saw his name on the finals board — J. Anderson — for the Humorous category at Denfeld, one of the largest meets. Because hardly anyone had made it into the finals (yours truly included — I wasn't always the charming, witty and charismatic individual I am now) a sizable chunk of the team decided to go watch J. compete.

The first few speakers were excellent. We began to get eager to see J., knowing that there was no way he couldn't get up their and annihilate the competition. Finally, the judge called it out —

"J. Anderson."

— and the team burst into wildly enthusiastic applause as J. proudly walked up the left aisle, strutting confidently to his battlefield, where he nearly ran face-first into a much more attractive brunette, who had simultaneously walked up the right side of the room while her team clapped and cheered.

The applause died in mid-clap, the room froze with tension. J. Anderson and the wench stared at each other, mouths open, like an unexpected and awkward meeting between Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt.

The girl — Joelle Anderson — broke the silence, tipping her head toward the judge. "What code?" she meekly asked.

The judge looked down, and read it off — alas, our J. Anderson turned and came back the way he had walked, with his head high. Finally, with a smile, Hibbing's J. Anderson began a slow clap, which exploded into a cacophonous eruption of applause and laughter, the entire room joining in the moment.

Speech is just like real life in the sense that you have to get used to the idea of people constantly judging you on how you look, how you act and what you say. And, like real life, it always pays to look beyond a name.
 
 
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The HHS Speech Team, circa 2006
Man, I was such a dork in high school.

For five years of my life, I gave up every Saturday between February and April to board a schoolbus at the crack of dawn, a vehicle that was usually UN-heated and driven by a maniac who hit every damn pothole in the road. By the time we arrived, we were usually strung out on coffee and hoping to God that SOMEBODY had black paper. We went into the school wrinkled, bleary-eyed and smelling faintly of bus; two hours later, we were the best looking kids in the school, complete with sharp suits, crisp blouses and the cool face of competition. It was Speech, and it was wonderful.
 
 
Back in the day, I ruled the Hibbing High School Speech Team with an iron fist. Speech was a tough commitment. You had to get up really early every Saturday in the winter and ride off to some mysterious Iron Range High School for competition. 
 
 
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Let's face it, sometimes it sucks Babe the Blue Ox balls to live in Northern Minnesota. The winters are cold, lutefisk is disgusting, and you're forever mocked by people whose only experience with the better state half involves films with class-action law suits and wood chippers.
 
 
Summer Job of Awesome is over for six days. Thank God. You know those commercials where the fat little green slimeballs of mucus are playing pool in someone's nose? Yeah, well, they've been in my head for the past week for some Brobdingnagian booger convention, where they enjoy bubbling up and down my sinus cavities every time I take that 2,341 foot journey into the Underground Lair and forcing me to give a tour with crappy hearing. You know how embarrassing it is to be 20 years old and having to ask people to repeat their questions four times before you can answer them? VERY. I'm starting to wish my parents had taught me sign language when I was a baby, "Meet the Fockers" style.

Everything, for the most part, is going well. Last week, I had a Physics Ph.Douche. He wanted to ask many questions, such as:

P.h.Douche: So is the neutrino interaction based on (Insert LONG and INTENSE and COMPLICATED scientific reasoning into this space that you can't hear because of the fact he speaks in a quiet voice and your eardrums are attempting to implode) ?

Me: Yes.

P.h.Douche: So then the (yet another collection of BIG SCIENTIFIC WORDS I DON'T KNOW) is caused by the (more words, every other which I can hear and every other other I actually know the definition of) ?

Me: Yes. Yes it is.

P.h.Douche: Excellent. I can clearly see you know exactly what you are talking about.

Actually, he was pretty cool. After the tour, some girls aged high school and middle school started asking me some surprisingly in-depth questions on anti-matter. Physics. P.h.Douche was nearby, and I took the chance to pull him into the conversation, which he seemed to really enjoy. We were an odd little group, talking about the mysteries of the universe in the tiny gift shop while other tourists awkwardly sidled around us, but it was, well, fun. There's something very cool about being able to talk in a group of wildly different people about a subject that no one fully understands; the kids kept pushing us, the old man and I kept bouncing off each other. Afterwards, he told me that I had done an exceptional job making the subject material relatable for visitors. At least I think that's what he said. My ears were still pretty effed up. 

It was incredibly, I don't know, satisfying. Kind of affirms what I'm hoping to do in life.

Physics joke of the day:

Your head is so thick a neutrino would have a 0.5 percent chance of hitting it today.

BURN.